diSKOAver weekly: Week of December 8, 2021

Hello gorgeous internet friends!🥰✨💖

Did you miss me? I sure missed you.

I think the hiatus is over? IDK. I feel like I keep saying that, but I’m pretty sure this is the real deal this time, haha.

In the past I have spent a lot of time overthinking what I share on this silly little site because I want it to be an equally fun and informative space that also happens to be aesthetically pleasing to My People. Plus there’s that pressure to figure out how to monetize the thing that makes you happy 🤑, which can easily become a thing that makes you really unhappy when you get caught comparing your internet offerings to someone else’s. Juggling all of those feels on top of a pandemic made trying to express myself even more stressful so I gave myself as much space from this as I needed until I missed it so much that I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

And some of you even reached out a few times to ask when the next update was coming. 🥺 You’ll never know how much that meant to feel like my contributions are actually meaningful to y’all even though most of the time I feel like I’m gushing into the void, lmao.

Anyway I hope you all are doing well and have been stuck at least twice by now. 💉

Enjoy!

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1. Mickey Kojak - ”Club Is On Fire”

   Okay so for whatever stupid reason when I want to take myself seriously about loving on this Sydney sweetie I always tell myself his full name is actually Michelangelo Kojak. I might have dreamed that once? Either way, that’s not even remotely true. I know his real name is actually Michael Dable and yet here we are lol. At any rate, our fateful hero has been doing his part during the pandemic to regularly drop techno treats on Tuesdays of his choosing to keep the fire burning in our hearts for his adorkable ass while he continues to work on new music. Luckily we managed to get a remix and two originals from Mickey in 2021, “Lights Out” and “Club Is On Fire”, the latter being the more splendidly chaotic of the two.

2. Pat Lok x Party Pupils - “So Fine”

   Over the course of 2021 the Twitter homey Pat Lok has been doing the Lorde’s work by keeping us satiated with shit that slaps. His recent collaborations with Party Pupils have been especially hitting the spot as of late. “So Fine” is an obvious fave because it makes it easier for me to pretend like I’m getting the attention I know I deserve, but I also really love their latest, “I Want You”. Which is also more attention seeking from me I guess? lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

3. Lxury - “PAD MA”

   I was really glad London’s Lxury snuck in another EP after last year’s No Real Rush. This new one, Smart Digital Life is a lot more airy and brighter than NRR. There’s not a track I’d cut. In a parallel universe I would’ve included “Up High” but I was really feeling the high energy of "PAD MA” to compliment everything else in this weeks playlist.

4. Simon Hinter - “Wanna Make Love - Mixed”

   I love a good DJ Kicks mix, which is where I fell for German producer Simon Hinter. While I thoroughly enjoyed the entire mix that Disclosure put together, “Wanna Make Love” easily stands out as a moment to shut the fuck up and dance. Do not try to shift your focus otherwise you might get swept away on the dance floor.

5. Alfie Templeman - “Wait, I Lied”

   If these are the kinds of songs that Alfie Templeman is writing at 18, mannnn I’m like dying to know how his sound is gonna evolve in the next, like, 5 years. The progression from Don’t Go Wasting Time to Forever Isn’t Long Enough is somewhat subtle but you can tell that he’s feeling a lot more confident in his sound. Here’s hoping he continues on this trajectory he’s clearly on at the moment.

6. Jaded - “Welcome To The People”

   Lovely London lads Jaded have also been doing their part holding it down in 2021. I think “Welcome To The People” is a nice change of pace for the trio. The beat is super addictive. It keeps you stimulated as if you’re slightly over caffeinated and leaves you wanting like a 10 minute edit of this or some other absurd length.

7. Darius - “Feels Right (feat. Duñe)”

   Let the record reflect that the only show I went to in all of 2021 was to see Darius and Étienne de Crécy while I was in Paris for part of August and most of September. I just can’t bring myself to do shows in the US yet. I got hella trust issues with this country related to this pandem. Meanwhile, France’s vaccination efforts coupled with the countrywide implementation of the Pass Sanitaire put my mind at ease to dance the night away. And you better believe I barely moved the next day I went so hard at that show. While every track on Darius’ new EP, OASIS (Prelude), has its each little flavor to savor, “Feels Right” is my favorite mood enhancer of his and I had to make sure this one got to y’all. 🥰

8. Louis La Roche - “One Big Gay Disco”

   I very much like Louis La Roche’s new album, We’re Not That Different. There are so many good details about this record that make me keep coming back to it. My first taste of the record was, “One Big Gay Disco”, which is how I would succinctly describe what I hope heaven is like if it exists. I did ⚡️The Kibbe Thing⚡️ and hunted down the origin of this sample. I’m not going to publicize the hateful homophobic person’s name who said some horrible shit in an interview that Louis chose to transform into something positive and fuckin fabulous. I’m not mad it wasn’t easy to find the clip. Maybe just take my word for it that it’s awful and as someone who has people who lost people in the Pulse shooting that this song advances the slay agenda and is defiantly gay as hell.

9. KUNZITE - “SUPREME BEAM”

   I’m such a doofus. I went way too long not putting it together that KUNZITE was Ratatat adjacent. Never not embarrassing when something that later seems painfully obvious just flies over my head. I mean how long have I been at this shit, 12 years now? Anyway for the record KUNZITE is comprised of RATATAT's Mike Stroud and Agustin White from White Flight which is why it’s vibey af. I really love their latest album, VISUALS and I cannot recommend it enough.

10. Willow Kayne - “Opinion”

    When last we met this little sweetie was just stepping out with her debut single, “Two Seater”. Since then she’s released tracks “I Don’t Wanna Know” and more recently, “Opinion”. Have a peep at the brand spankin’ new music video for IDWK which Willow shot during her recent stay in Los Angeles. If you need any concrete evidence that the 90s are absolutely back in style, just sit back and let Willow’s ‘fits wash over you in all of their Delias-era glory. For some reason I really want Willow and BENEE to be besties. I feel like they would get into the best kind of trouble together, you know?

11. Noah Davis- “How Much Cash”

    I haven’t watched American Idol since season one so I hadn’t made the connection that Noah Davis has already had a little heat going for awhile. To me he was just some unassuming sweet thing that landed on my FYP and left me fucking SHOOK when “How Much Cash” hit my earholes. It not only makes me want to go to a gay bar full of hot lil go-go boys, but given that I’m in a space to call in the blessings I’ve been blocking, I always feel richer and mad sexy after playing this.

12. Magdalena Bay- “Secrets (Your Fire)”

    Only been trying to make this band happen since *checks notes AKA the DW archive* 2019. Glad everyone has joined the party! Like sincerely. I really am. Gotta say tho, they really fucking nailed it with this record. Mercurial World is just… *chef’s kiss*. Also this 90s nostalgia aesthetic just makes me feel like I’m on Geocities talking about this. If you don’t know what Geocities is please don’t tell me and just Google it. I can already feel the “kids these days don’t know how good they have it for making websites” spiel and I’m not in the mood to embarrass myself. Just let me casually obsess over their music video for this song and their website in peace.

13. Griff - “One Night”

    Fun true story: while working from my Airbnb in Paris I would leave MTV France on because I figured of all the TV shows that would teach me useful French vocabulary that Catfish would be perfect for someone as Very Online as yours truly. In France they were going HARD with plugging this song in the commercial breaks. Admittedly I haven’t given Griff a lot of attention in the past, but the clip from, “One Night” left me curious about the story behind the song. Apparently it’s about, “feeling like you’re always carrying this darkness or burden.” As Griff told NME, “I think in the daytime we can feel distracted because we’re around people and we’re busy, but that moment between going to bed and falling asleep, there’s just enough silence for those burdens to get louder. Essentially this song is trying to understand why I can’t shake it, and the chorus comes to this breaking point of desperately wanting at least ‘One Night’ alone.” Yeah girl, feel that. 😔

14. Carter Vail - “Trash Friends”

    Carter Vail makes it very easy to love him, which is why I’m not surprised at his ever growing following on TikTok. He’s a solid songwriter, has a great sense of humor (see also: “Trash Friends”), and also happens to have a face that you don’t mind looking at for long periods of time. It did not surprise me one bit to learn that he’s based in Nashville now and played at Rockwood Music Hall at the end of November. Hell I might DM his ass and ask him if he’s going to Belmont, because that’s the vibe he’s throwing. He’s throwing “homey I could’ve gone to college with who’s having a fun time getting better at writing songs”. That said, it seems his sound has already evolved quite a bit since he started releasing tracks in 2018 and I definitely like the direction he’s chosen for his 2021 cuts.

15. Nasty Party- “People On The Street”

    Are you ready to hit BINGO on your SKOA Bingo cards? This one is courtesy of the TikTok algorithm AND is an Australian baby band, bitches. LMAO. These guys have managed to capture the essence of 1980’s punk but made just enough tweaks to the sound that it could contend with today’s standards. In my ✨Kibbe Flies Aussie Bands To America And Makes Them All Famous Fantasy✨, these guys would be on a bill with Johnny Hunter and These New South Whales.

16. Jakuzi - “Açık Bir Yara”

    My little Turkish darklings Jakuzi have reappeared to seduce us with a quickie two-song EP for 2021, of which the title track,“Açık Bir Yara” is my favorite. Singer Kutay Soyocak has also started dabbling in a new black metal project called Vox In Rama which is a genre I’m not often in the mood for but is very cool to see this side of Kutay’s vocal abilities.

Let Brothertiger Be Your Guide On The Journey To Living A Life Of Authenticity In ‘Paradise Lost’

John Jagos of Brothertiger; photo credit: Alec Castillo

“I don’t think there was a specific moment,” explained Brothertiger mastermind John Jagos late into our recent phone call discussing the ethos of his latest album, “It’s just something I think about all the time.” Paradise Lost is yet another album serendipitously ripe for the reflective picking that has been delivered to us in quarantine. Although the album wrapped long before lockdown, I’m not sure there’s ever been a moment in the history of humankind where someone isn’t struggling with feeling confident in the defiant decision that’s made daily to live the most authentic version of one’s life. An act which, specifically here in America, is often frowned upon for not falling in line with the toxicity that is American Individualism, when it should instead be lovingly lauded. Jagos has frequently found himself triggered to address this phenomenon in both his everyday life in addition to his time in New York City specifically collaborating with other artists. “I think there is external pressure from just, you know, movies, TV, and just everyday life all around you. It’s just kind of, ‘This is where you should be in your life. This is what you should be doing,’” he detailed. “I feel like I see it all the time. I don’t know. I’ve seen a lot of people who I’ve worked with [...] who are very passionate about something yet they can’t really indulge in it because they have to do their *real job*.”

There are moments in Paradise Lost where I find myself convinced that Jagos is indulging enough for all of us, perhaps as a way to showcase a paradise we can all find within ourselves. An album that, in my impassioned albeit humble opinion, encapsulates the essence of retreating to nature for restorative means from start to finish. Opening with “Found”, featuring field recordings of birds chirping atop a bed of gently bubbling synths within the first few seconds, it blatantly signals while gently easing listeners into the flourishing and soothing soundscapes that are about to bless their ears for the next 46 minutes. “I’ve tended to lean more towards synth sounds that are a bit more like natural sounding [...],” he noted. “You know, they sound like a synthesizer but they don't sound super processed. I like when they have errors or kind of mistakes in them.” He adds, “[...] I tend to use a lot of analog synthesizers because you’re not gonna get the same exact sound out of it every time you turn it on because the analog circuitry just kind of allows for there to be randomness in a way. [...] I think with that a lot of the sounds for this album kind of were a bit more, earthy and natural in the sense that they were a bit more loose [...]. Loose to the grid. Loose to tuning. Just like loose to the constrictions of a song made a computer.”

While most of his previous material has been loosely based on friends or other people’s experiences, Paradise Lost comes from a very personal place. He recounted, “For this [album] I really was thinking a lot about where I wanna be and what I wanna be doing. Just about like being a young person and the expectations that you’re kind of expected to fulfill.” Carefully choosing his words, he volunteered the additional heartfelt observation, 

“A lot of friends, acquaintances, and family members, they all kind of just like follow a prescribed sort of path. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. I feel like there’s a lot of pressure and assumption that everyone kind of follows that path. I certainly haven’t because I’ve been pursuing music and my girlfriend’s an actor and she hasn’t been following that path either. [...] I just feel like it’s a stigma that is a part of our society that isn’t really... cool *laughs*.”

“I feel like there’s a lot of pressure and assumption that everyone kind of follows that path. I certainly haven’t.”

— Brothertiger

With that observation in mind, it should come as no surprise how intentional Jagos is with his messaging throughout the album, making sure to convey that no one has to navigate the complexities of finding the paradise within themselves all on their own. When you are ready to shed the stigma for yourself, he is ready to guide you on this introspective journey as the album drifts on to, “Mainsail”, where he doesn’t shy away from admitting that although even he himself feels lost at times making his way through this thing we call life, that the best way to get through those moments is to embrace those feelings head on, sailing into the tidal break instead of waiting for still waters. In the event you ever realize you’ve gone off course, he’s included a metaphorical north star in the form of the album’s lead single, “Livin’”, featuring a makeshift response for listeners to lean on as a morale boost when shedding external criticism: “I’m living my own life. I don’t care how I get mine. I’m living my own life”. All the more determined, he adds: “I keep my eyes to the sky like anyone else. I keep my nose to the grindstone workin’ myself. I put my hands to the fire and swallow my pride. I keep my deepest desires on an anchor line.” 

For the duration of the album you’ll find his eagerness to guide you on your own personal journey shimmering its through on tracks like, “Shelter Cove” (follow down to the river bend, I know the way), even if for whatever reason you were unable to reciprocate the same level of effort as heard on “Cannonball” (I know that I would reach for you. Would you reach for me? [...] I go my own way. Are you with me?). As with any first-class guide, getting you to your destination is a meaningful purpose to him and with songs like “My Canopy” he reminds you that he takes it to heart, perhaps occasionally a bit too much so, in the moments you abandon ship along the way (How could you go away? How could you end me? How could you fall away into the night? I can recover then. I can be anything. I can be anyone that you'd like). One of the most admirable things about approaching this subject matter is how he is vulnerable enough to admit in a song like, “Checking Out” that this quest you’re on together is actually less about the destination and more about the journey, which is ever evolving and requires a commitment to routinely reevaluating the course as a way to ensure it’s still serving its intended purpose (Do I wanna lay an anchor oceanside? Or drift about the open sea?). As always, it’s absolutely your call what you want to do, but he gives you permission to use any hesitations as a moment to steer back on track in the event you’ve wandered off. 

My personal favorite moment in this record is “Pyre”, a swift and very brief switch from mostly water based imagery to pure fire. Given the subject matter of the pair of tracks, it’s fairly obvious to a fellow transplant that they’re about his time living in Brooklyn pursuing a career in music. During our chat he shared the story of his first show in the city in 2010 at the now defunct but well renowned Glasslands Gallery, a place where many SKOA favorites graced with their presence. While he was still a college student in southern Ohio (his home state), upon being given the opportunity to perform at the space, drove 10 hours with the assistance of his girlfriend to the city the night before, performed, and then drove back to campus immediately after the show. As we reminisced about the music blogger boom of that era (which this very site was born during), I found it both admirable albeit a bit confusing to hear that in spite of such a story that he wasn’t convinced that he would have been able to see the same amount of success in his career if he had started his attempt further along in his life. Although his hesitancy is valid given how the evolution of music consumption since those days has resulted in a lot of noise with very little signal to elevate lesser known artists as effectively as blogs did back then, I find it hard to believe that someone so determined to transform himself into the kind of artist that wouldn’t be ignored in a metropolitan area as overwhelming greater New York that he envisions it literally engulfing him in flames in the process was ever going to fall by the wayside. 

I will say this, it was cathartic as fuck to convene for even a few moments of the conversation about our respective longevity in the city and confide in each other that while it’s a possibility that New York might not be our “forever home”, that it doesn’t strip of us of our title of being “real New Yorkers”, a title that people raised here love to weaponize, especially now during the current mass exodus brought on by the pandemic. We were in agreement that it’s more of a state of mind versus the amount of time your body has been within city limits. He shared, “I have a connection to the city. [...] I came here. I struggled and starved at the beginning[...]. I wanted to prove that I could make it work and you know, cultivate something. And I did! So for that, I feel like New York is a state of mind that I can take with me.” Since I went out of my way to double check with him then, I feel like I should make it clear for both of us now: neither Paradise Lost or what you’re reading right now should be interpreted as our own personal, “Why I’m Leaving New York” essays, but from the sounds of things we are both keeping our options open. “I don’t want to be in one place,” he said. “Especially while I’m young. This was a great place for me to be in my 20s and now I’m 30 so you know...time to go! *laughs*” 

“I have a connection to the city. [...] I came here. I struggled and starved at the beginning[...]. I wanted to prove that I could make it work and you know, cultivate something. And I did! So for that, I feel like New York is a state of mind that I can take with me.”

— Brothertiger

Of all the things I’ve come to treasure about Paradise Lost since my first taste, the thoughtful little details that extend beyond the way he wields a warbling synth are definitely some of my favorites. Unbeknownst to most, Jagos has been featuring his father’s oil based paintings as the artwork for his most recent bodies of work, including for Paradise Lost and its accompanying singles, “Livin’”, “Shelter Cove”, and title track. 

As he detailed, 

“[The album artwork is] a painting my dad did back in the 80s. [...] I've always really liked the painting because it's like it's kind of dark and brooding in a way. Him and I have always been…. like we work in a similar way. [...] He recalls events of his past in a way in his paintings, but he also paints his dreams and things like that. I’ve just always had a connection to his artwork [...]. This record was, I feel, very west coast [...]. A lot of these paintings he did when he was living in Santa Barbara, so that’s another thing why it just makes sense. A lot of these paintings are kind of scenes of places I was thinking of in my mind when I was writing. So it kind of just worked out perfectly.”

As much as I was admittedly a little jealous to learn the extent to which his passion was supported by his family, I definitely have to give the man props for not only being able to recognize how beautiful and rare that is at present, and what he chose to do with that perspective in terms of how I assume it informed this record as a result. “Luckily my family’s extremely supportive of what I do,” he said. “I didn’t get any pressure from my family like my parents being like, ‘Okay well like you know you’re doing this it’s great but maybe you should like consider like you know A REAL JOB’ *laughs* stuff like that. They never did that and they still are super supportive of me. [...] I had friends who wanted to do something and their parents were like, ‘Well you’re going to get a business degree.’ It’s just like... it sucks.”

Rounding out the record with the title track, Jagos reinforces how important it is that we all venture out on this journey to becoming the most authentic version of ourselves. He recognizes that although our respective quests may begin during various points in our lives and take us to a variety of places along the way (You and I move through life on a different route. Comes down to the paths we pursue.), that the mere act of chasing the destination will always be what makes life worth living regardless of how long we’re at it (Realize that it takes time to see things through What’s the point of living high without a view?). Although obviously championing how deeply transformative this kind of kind of inner work can be on a person, he is still very adamant that “paradise” is just as much a state of mind as being a New Yorker is, as he clarified,

 “No matter where you live, like anywhere, it’s never going to be *the perfect place*. There’s going to be problems with it. [...] Actual paradise I don’t think *exists* on this earth. But it’s fine. It’s totally okay to accept that. It’s kind of like a call to accept some things for the way they are. And that’s like a personal call for myself[...] If you can take the place where you are, the place where you were, and think of it like a learning experience or think of it as a place where you’re cultivating something then it becomes a sort of paradise for you in terms of like... this is like the only life you have. So it’s like, you know, you shouldn’t think of things as mistakes, just more of learning experiences.”

Paradise Lost is out now courtesy of Satanic Panic Recordings.

[RANT] Bands, Please Fucking Design Merch For Bodies That Aren't Just Mens

I hate to rain on my own parade amidst the launch of the limited edition deluxe version of Hyperspace complete with an ABSOLUTELY STUNNING visualizer of aforementioned album that were generated via an AI that was utilizing NASA JPL footage, but while the feelings are still fresh and I have a second, I’d like to share the experience of ✨Being A Super Fan Who Is Also A Womxn✨. ICYMI, in addition a truly beautiful and well made web experience that Beck made in collaboration with NASA, my favorite all time artist also unveiled a bunch of limited edition merchandise for pre-order to coincide with the collab.

Keep in mind that currently we are at the intersection of probably two of my favorite things: Beck and space. We can even add in the AI usage component into it, too. So, yeah, I was definitely hype. I was triple hype, even. So much so that I arranged my day around making myself available for the rollout of this because in addition to sharing a collective hype moment with other Beck fans, I know as a fan that scarcity is a thing and if there’s limited edition anything you can’t sleep on that shit.

So there I am, the deluxe version now pumping through my ears after watching the “Hyperlife” video premiere on YouTube (knowing that I’ll spend even more time absorbing those videos this evening), browsing the merch, when I see that there’s a shirt for “Dark Places”, a song that I have used to soothe me on my way out of a really rough patch of life, and click through to the detail page.

Within seconds I’m disappointed.

Please take a moment to look at the shirt below and tell me if anything calls out to you just at a quick glance. Don’t spend too much time on it, just take like…3 seconds.

images of Beck’s recently unveiled limited edition “Dark Places” shirt

Did anything stand out to you?

Knowing that I am in a particularly nitpicky mood today because my favorite things happen to be all working in concert for this particular moment, I used my go-to gut check on my reaction to this: the group text of girlfriends. Please observe:

That response was so fast I thought at first I thought she was responding to something else we had been talking about, but seconds later everyone else chimed in with their reaction and disappointment with the design choices on my behalf.

So why was I disappointed to see this?

Because boobs.

I got ‘em. Half the planet has ‘em, a lot of them are even trying to make theirs bigger. Boobs make designs like this look shitty. As my friend so quickly pointed out, that space blob is either going directly on one of my boobs or will be hidden directly under it.

Now I know someone on the world wide web might be skimming this rolling their eyes like, “JFC Kibbe there are multiple shirts just get one of the other ones why are you letting this upset you so much? 🙄” And yes, there’s another short sleeve design and a long sleeve one. But look at that long sleeve shirt. Do you see where the celestial body on the front would lay on a human body that resembles mine? Directly over my left chesticle all big as hell. 😑

I’m not trying to have a solo space titty right now, or probably ever. I’m just trying to be an AI Generated Beck Babe In Space™, you feel me? But because my body doesn’t appear to have been taken into consideration, I now am basically forced into one option unless I want to take a chance on the other two.

Do you know how incredibly frustrating that is?

Especially if you focus in on the NASA part of this equation for a second. NASA is constantly championing womxn in STEM in order to attract girls to get involved at an early age because there’s such a huge gender gap. To be clear, I cannot praise the work they did on this Hyperspace activation enough in terms of how beautiful the site and the videos look. I also adore how much they went out of their way to link to specific missions where the original footage for the videos came from. It’s not just a rich experience, it’s fucking gorgeous.

URL vs. IRL though…😞 They robbed me of some well deserved joy as someone so deeply passionate about both. The FOMO is real! 😩

I feel like I should make it clear that it’s really uncomfortable for me to point this out because overall from a design standpoint for his merch offerings, I’d say dude normally does a pretty good job of not letting this happen. Also because, you know, 💥I’m probably just being an overly sensitive womxn about this and when womxn stick their necks out on the internet weird shit happens.💥

But if you’re not a womxn, let me ask you something:

How often are you taking your body parts into consideration when you’re browsing a merch store (or pre-covid, a merch table)? Is it every single time?

Goddamn it sure is for me. This is something that since I have been old enough to go to shows by myself (which was well after puberty hit) that I have had to think about. I have no doubt other womxn are in the same boat. I see band shirts as the opportunity to invest in an artist that I love and have bragging rights about it. I fucking love them. Just in Beck shirts alone I currently have five of the fucking things in my closet. That said, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to choose something different because not just my body, but apparently my entire gender was overlooked. Which is so weirdly frustrating, especially when there’s data that supports that in terms of retail therapy shopping that womxn statistically spend more money than men on clothes, in addition to this 2011 study that gets referenced a good bit that says that womxn typically spend more on merchandise than men do (they’re more likely to spend more on recordings, respect).

It’s pretty standard for band shirts to be billed as “unisex”, at least in sizes. Occasionally womxn get thrown a bone and we are offered a few shirts that are cut to be more flattering to our beautiful curvy bodies, but often times the cuts aren’t of the same designs as the unisex shirts. Furthermore, if I’m being honest, most of the time I pass on those shirts because the designs just aren’t as interesting or cool as the shirts geared towards men/”everybody”. UPDATE: A friend in the group chat above also reminded me that even with those womxn sizes that most of the time those shirts run very petite which in womxn’s clothing equates to …not very boob friendly.

Let’s continue to use Beck’s merch store as an example to speak to this. Currently, there are four womxn-specific styles on the site for run of the mill merch, three of which are very simple (1, 2, and the 3rd technically isn’t labeled as such but I’m being generous). One is, well, very boob-centric. Womxn are already sexualized enough throughout our every waking moments, so designs like the one I actually find kind of interesting could make other womxn really uncomfortable because it might invite unwanted advances. I’m supposed to be hype about a pair of mouths full of cherries over my boobs? Hell no, I’m not trying to be victim blamed if I complain about cat calling. I’m exhausted enough tryna make sure old white men stop thinking they have a say in what I do with my body. Not surprised at all this shirt is from an album cycle ago and is discounted right now. Not at all.

So out of the 26 designs that I could possibly wear (as I cannot fit into a onesie these days), only four were specifically designed with my body type in mind, but even then I’m not convinced.

Look, I’m not asking for bands merch stores to be so bloated with duplicates across various shirt styles so womxn don’t feel left out of this equation. I know from firsthand experience how complicated it can get just juggling solely a variety of unisex shirts in terms of sizing when a band is on the road. I know bands don’t want to get stuck with a bunch of stuff that needs to be deep discounted in order to get it out of their house/garage/warehouse so they can make room for more designs. I get it, you want to offer a variety, it’s cheaper to buy in bulk, and you can’t please everybody. But like, could we put a little bit more effort for HALF OF THE POPULATION WHO STATISTICALLY LOVE TO SPEND MONEY ON APPAREL?

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

Instead of stressing over styles, allow me to propose a super short check list as a solution for any merch designers or bands out there who print on unisex shirts.

You ready?

From now on, consider asking yourself:

Does this look good on bodies that are….

1. FLAT (as in flat chested, aka the current default)

2. PHAT (as in Pretty Hot And Tempting bodies that belong to womxn)

3. FAT (why not take an extra second to make sure the design doesn’t lose it’s magic going on a 2XL/3XL shirt while you’re working on being more mindful?)

That’s it. Flat. PHAT. FAT. Say that shit three times fast. Flat. PHAT. FAT. Flat. PHAT. FAT. Flat. PHAT. FAT.

It sounds so silly but maybe it’s just ridiculous enough to actually fucking stick. Flat. PHAT. FAT.

Flat.

PHAT.

FAT.

One second per body, maybe three if you wanna round out the average to think about boobs while you’re designing (heh). All it takes.

So let’s go back to this Dark Places design that’s a bummer for boobies.. Please keep in mind that I slapped these together really quickly in Photoshop just to quickly visualize my point, so don’t come at me if something is off centered or whatever. But I wanted to point out that there were other ways to execute this design just by altering the placement with my body in mind that could be pretty fucking cool imo.

Ready?

Same placements, two different designs. They’re admittedly less artsy, sure, but both of these will look great on basically everyone. Hell, you could even leave the back text where it was on the original for the ⚡️aesthetic⚡️.

I’m feeling generous with my constructive criticism so here’s a couple more:

So this one might not work for 1 out of 3 of our check list. Again, not asking for EVERY. SINGLE. THING. TO. ALWAYS. BE. PERFECT. ALL. THE. TIME. I’m asking for an extra 3 seconds of effort to be more intentional with the ENTIRE audience in mind while designing. Might be cool to have something wrapped around the side of the shirt instead of totally front vs. back. I’ve seen them look good on lots of folks. It’s an option.

Okay one more and then I’m out of your hair I fucking promise:

BOOM. SNEAK ATTACK: DESIGN STYLE. Nothing on the front? Oh my you’re quite the thinker aren’t you? Subtly loving a band to death where only others can see easily. I like you, random fake Beck fan wearing this shirt. I don’t feel like cobbling together everything on the front of a shirt to show this idea in reverse, but do we get what I’m saying here?

Again, it doesn’t have to be perfect every single time, but when your limited edition merch is, well, limited, it would be nice if these were the times artists at least looked like they tried.

Never thought I’d be talking about my boobs on this corner of the internet, but here we are.

Flat. PHAT. FAT.

3 seconds. All I’m asking.

Flat. PHAT. FAT.

[RANT] Finding My Algorhythm

Today I’m happy to report that, somehow in the midst of a global fucking pandemic that I’ve managed to find myself in probably the best mental health state of my life. As much as quarantine has been a nuisance because of being so isolated, it has really allowed me to thoughtfully reflect on things I wasn’t sure I’d ever be ready to address. Throughout this period of healing, I’ve really come to treasure how my whacky, overworked brain, and big ass heart both truly eat, sleep, and breathe music every second of my day.

I'm not sure how many people who write about music can also say they have not only worked in music but that they’ve worn as many hats as I have while working in music. Since moving to NYC I’ve worked in music publishing and at labels (in both marketing and radio). I’ve been an artist manager. I’ve even been a tour manager. In addition to working in music, I’ve also had the opportunity to work in advertising with Fortune 500 brands doing social media. I am realizing more and more that my unique perspective gained from all of these experiences is probably a lot more useful than I had initially thought.

As I float around the internet I observe a lot. For example, I make it a point to take note in which bands cluster together. I also do really nerdy, data driven things like cross-reference number of streams, monthly listeners, and social media following in order to gauge where in their career an artist is likely at, based on my personal experiences with monitoring those numbers for the artists I worked with. While it’s not entirely how I decide who gets covered in this space, it certainly helps me navigate the complexities of attempting to lend the level of support any particular artist may need.

In the past few months, a data point that I have found myself increasingly more fixated on is the impact of the playlists that listeners are discovering these artists through. Furthermore, who is behind these playlists that are helping to drive the larger numbers. 

Are you surprised to hear that normally if 5 out of 5 of the displayed playlists are all owned by Spotify, that their monthly listeners, followers, and streams  are often exponentially larger?

Didn't think so lol. 

As someone who quite often romanticizes The Algorithm™ but keeps a watchful eye on Spotify, in the past few years I’ve become more aware of their editorial playlisting and its increasingly alarming impact on music, specifically from a community standpoint. I genuinely don’t know if anyone else feels this way, but Especially In the midst of a pandemic, observing bands of all shapes and sizes tripping over themselves to laud streaming platforms (but let’s be honest it’s mostly Spotify) for chucking one of their songs on a playlist so as to stay in their good graces is just…. well, it’s just as weird as it is just really fucking depressing. 

This is all while knowing full well that touring off the table for the foreseeable future. Thus it  makes sense that everyone is collectively scrambling to stay afloat. That said, something about witnessing this just makes the future look so…. bleak. I know these kinds of shoutouts are fairly standard for the industry for other formats. For example, it definitely makes more sense to shout out a radio DJ. The space on the airwaves is limited and there’s a lot of vetting that is involved to take a chance playing an artist on the radio. Something like this I think a DJ is more than entitled to being acknowledged for their efforts. 

But with playlists, especially with how limitless they seem to be, are they really generating enough value? It shouldn’t surprise you to hear that I’ve made a fuckload of playlists in my time on this planet so far. I can tell you that once you get the hang of how you want them to flow that they can be assembled fairly quickly and easily. For these platforms to do this it is not a lot of *work* to throw a metaphorical bone to a band by chucking a track into one of the probably thousands of editorial playlists that exist. To be sure, I am not discounting the overall taste or attentiveness to details of making a good mix, I just know that in-tools like Truffle Pig exist (which I imagine by now they have integrated into the tool they use for playlisting submissions). I am saying that there is no scarcity to the number of playlists in the way that there is obvious scarcity in the example of an artist attempting to get radio play. 

The thing that is concerning me the most these days is - what happens after that song hits a playlist? With the sheer volume of genres and mood-related playlists that Spotify’s editorial team can crank out all while knowing that there are algorithms at play tweaking a good number of these to keep you on the platform consuming and accumulate more data for either them to monetize like they apparently do with data on our moods (ps labels have been using Spotify to gather data on us, too). If I give Apple Music shit for being more concerned with being in the device business and Google the data business instead of solely the music business, then I really  simply can’t ignore the very blatant move on Spotify’s part to be more in the audio streaming business than the music business. I know there are a lot of factors at play here and I’m not tryna have a heated debate right now about streaming royalties because FUCK ME that all is so messy, political and honestly out of my jurisdiction (not to mention Mark Mulligan already has some meaningful thoughts on all that anyway).

For this moment I’d mostly just like to pose the following questions:

Is essentially ⚡️being paid in exposure⚡️ from Spotify’s editorial team actually impactful enough for musicians?

Especially right now, is scrapping for a shot at their reach actually worth it in terms of fan conversion? How does quality vs. quantity come into play here? Additionally, in the wake of how clear it’s become that the music community as a whole has some major cleaning up to do to be a truly inclusive and safe space - are we sure this approach to artist discovery is being mindful enough of that?

Look, I know it’s not the job of the massive industry gatekeepers to both exhaustively investigate and nudge every artist they’ve ever given the time of day to a certain level of success every single step of the way. I also know obviously that individual fans should be doing their own level of due diligence as both consumers and community members upon discovering a new favorite artist. But here’s another question to ask - are the majority of Spotify’s users aware of things like the massive housecleaning of sexual predators underway in the industry right now? If so - where are they learning about this and is it always after the fact and not an opportunity to dodge a predatory bullet? 

Meanwhile, it’s no secret that the state of music journalism is just as disheartening to be a part of. Even before the pandemic hit we all helplessly witnessed massive layoffs at a plethora of publications, including but not limited to music. In addition to the majority of the sites that were crucial for discovery during the Music Blogging Boom drying up, we’re now watching some of the most brilliant critical minds in our community pivoting to personal newsletters while they’re unemployed as a means to contribute to the community while also maintaining credibility. As much as I find this to be deeply admirable, I’m just as concerned with how this will play out in the long term as I am with the gap that I feel is widening between an artist’s initial exposure and career longevity.

So….

….. why the fuck am I saying all of this? 🤔

Well for one, I feel like if I didn’t air the above concerns that I wouldn’t be true to myself or to the community I have loved and lived to serve for the majority of my life. More importantly, and it makes me really uncomfortable to be this vulnerable, I’d like to use this opportunity while I have your attention to acknowledge that for the past few years I’ve struggled a lot with knowing how best to contribute to an industry that honestly has made me feel like I was no longer needed while simultaneously having a slew of strangers begging me to devour an onslaught of music both inside and out of my blogger inbox, form quality rapid-fire reviews,  promote, and maintain relationships with either publicists or artists directly.

Y’all, it’s really fucking hard being essentially an editorial staff of one, especially when your standards for artist coverage goes beyond mostly regurgitating the contents of a press release.  Furthermore, it has become increasingly difficult to not let my frustrations of not being respected as such get in the way of wanting to do right by the artists that come into my life in the variety of serendipitous ways they do. I mean fuck, within the confines of my inbox specifically, I am expected to respond to pitches from folks who either have clearly never even looked on my website based on what they send alongside the (let’s be honest) an unnecessary number of frantic follow up emails I get from familiar faces in hopes of coverage. A reminder that, although I am often presumptively pressured to deliver the same output that this specific editorial staff of one is not doing this full time nor am I being compensated for this work. It has taken me literally everything in my being not to rage quit altogether. To be clear, THIS IS ME ✨NOT✨ RAGE QUITTING. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

I guess this is all to say, if not for the sheer fact that I derive so much joy in sharing music, that I would have stopped throwing money at GoDaddy and Squarespace a long time ago. In my lifetime I’ve found sharing music to be the thing that has allowed me to best articulate my inner world to other people as a means to connect. Even before SKOA, the deep connections I made through music were personally transformative. Still, being afforded this platform has brought people into my life that mean so much to me that I’m in tears at the thought of a life without them. This is my way of making sure it’s known that I intend to continue to honor what music has done for me by doing the work and figuring out in real-time alongside all of you how to best foster a rich community of people who intend to help elevate and champion stories of musicians from various walks of life. I hope to fill in the gaps between that first dopamine hit from a song that grabs you to the second we get back to shows, whenever that may be. With (ugh) no end in sight to quarantine I really have nothing to lose here other than maybe money that could have been spent on records instead of overheard site costs. That said,  If you’re up to indulge me in this endeavor and show support, I’ve created a Patreon which I am open to tweaking to make sure the energy exchange is sufficient. In the meantime, as I find my algorhythm here, please know that I am open to feedback to what you think would be helpful or cool to be a part of.

In the meantime, because it wouldn’t be an update from me without music, please enjoy a collection of a fraction of the songs that helped me get to where we are now.

[Album Review] Miro Shot - 'Content'

In the final track, “Boston Dynamic”,  off Miro Shot’s debut EP Servers, recently my mind has casually fixated on a lyric quite frequently as we complete our 2nd month of quarantine in New York,

“As soon as we begin again I’ll restore our fallen friends.”

Since I have been granted the honor of getting albums in advance, I had already been playing their debut full-length, Content, for quite some time before the world ground to a halt. I had also already written something quite lovely about the album, delighted with myself that a cohesive group of words actually came to me that quickly about a record that I was obviously very taken with. However, as it came time to publish those words, the context of how this album would enter the world completely changed. Even so, listening to Content with a totally different perspective of the world, I firmly stand by my stance that Miro Shot is the soundtrack to the future we deserve. I know that in addition to this whole ordeal shining a light on the multitude of societal problems across the globe that  a lot of people have been saying that they’re devoting some portion of their quarantine taking stock in their pre-quarantine lives and thinking about the types of changes they want to make for themselves and their communities. It is my hope that Content be included in a portion of that meditative process.

Opening with, “A World You Made Yourself”, the broody track kicks off the album’s venture into self-exploration, thoughtfully navigating the boundless complexities of our very modern, very online world. Tackling society’s cumbersome relationship with technology and all that it entails, from the rampant online harassment women often face to the way that social media distorts our realities while disguising itself as a way to “connect” to our loved ones and everything in between, Content is essentially that moment when you decide to switch your phone to airplane mode and shift your focus to where you’re at in that very instance, as well as every subsequent screen tap once you switch back for that matter.

Tracks that hit so differently since the world changed: “Joined At The Hip”, album closer “I.R.L.”, with the most dramatic transformation being, “Seven Seas”, featuring Mary Wilson of Supremes fame. I already revered the track as a stunning glitch gospel in its own right, but the imagery that the chorus alone evokes in the current climate is enough to simultaneously warm your heart and send shivers down your spine:

 “When you’re lost but you can’t stand the silence / When your face looks nothing it used to do / When the sand has shifted instead / And that crown was pulled from your head / I’ve got you and you’ve got me.”

Without a doubt the world is going to be a very different place post-pandem. Hopefully it’s a world as full of potential as Miro Shot envisions, mindful of the obstacles we need to address in order to succeed. The cosmic timeliness of this band and the relevancy of Content and the future it stands for, especially right now, is something I sincerely hope folks won’t sleep on.

Content is available now on all DSPs.

Full album stream:

[RANT] Cancel Culture & Community Accountability: Inaction Isn't An Option, Band Dudes

I have to talk about this shit with Morrissey because a band I have invested a lot of time and invested a ton both emotional and financial energy into is now involved with this.

For folks catching up at home, Morrissey has publicly outed himself as, well…..a fucking racist. If you’re publicly rocking swag from a far-right organization in the UK that was founded by an anti-Islam activist not just once on national TV but actually multiple times at shows and are quoted saying things like (and I kid you the fuck not), “I don’t think the word ‘racist’ has any meaning any more, other than to say ‘you don’t agree with me, so you’re a racist.’ People can be utterly, utterly stupid.”, either you’re a fucking racist, or, as you yourself would say….are utterly, utterly stupid.

This stuff has been swirling for a minute that dude was problematic af, but has really come to a head shortly after it was announced that aforementioned band I’ve invested a lot of energy into, Interpol, was heading out on tour with this racist turd of a human in the US. Yesterday, Pitchfork pointed out a little ditty in which Hot Press very directly asked Paulie Banks what his thoughts were on the reactions from folks who weren’t pleased that they agreed to hit the road with someone who’s trending at the moment because he’s a bigot. Dude’s response?

"We thought it would be a good show for our band. That's how I'm looking at it. I don't get too much into the other stuff."

My guy, are you for real?

You live in New York fucking City, one of the most famous if not actually the most famous cultural melting pots, full of immigrants and people that your headliner has very strong and troubling opinions on, and you’re just gonna white privilege your way through this shit and cash your checks without a second thought? I expected way more than this from you.

To muddle this even more, Nick Cave decided to chime in on the subject via a response to a fan-submitted letter about separating the art from the artist, essentially saying that Morrissey’s political views are “irrelevant” to him as a musician.

…….uggghhhhh

Just so we’re clear, that’s the tl;dr version of what he said. He definitely stated very bluntly that Morrissey’s views were hella problematic af and even encourages fans to try and reason with Moz, but his whole thing is he believes it’s a disservice to oneself as a fan to deprive yourself of art you’ve become invested in just because they suck. His whole rationale is that once a song is in the wild that essentially there’s an immediate disassociation of art from artist. Here’s his direct quote:

“I think perhaps it would be helpful to you if you saw the proprietorship of a song in a different way. Personally, when I write a song and release it to the public, I feel it stops being my song. It has been offered up to my audience and they, if they care to, take possession of that song and become its custodian. The integrity of the song now rests not with the artist, but with the listener.”

While this is certainly an earnest argument,  imma have to call bullshit on this, or at the very least kind of point out how many holes there are in this argument.

Before I go off, I’m just going to give Nick Cave the benefit of not knowing what it’s like to *solely* be a music fan. I certainly respect his perspective and am grateful to hear the thought process behind his artistic expression. Unfortunately, I feel like when your self-determined role in the symbiotic relationship that is fandom is mostly to receive, react, support, and provide feedback, that disassociating is basically next to impossible.

This line of thinking he’s trying to semi-sell through here says that when I went to see Interpol for the 7th time at Madison Square Garden and bought a tank top dress and an enamel pin that I was there giving my money directly to “PDA”, “Not Even Jail”, “Cmere”, or “The Heinrich Maneuver”.

Nope. Not even close.

Fans operate under the notion that in order for more of the notes and words mixed together that makes their heart happy, that they have to feed, clothe, encourage, etc. the human persons who contribute to that art, which is why we are told to support artists by buying albums/merch, to attend their shows, and so on. I did not walk into Madison Square Garden to be in the presence of sounds I love that have a lot of meaning behind them. Music isn't something we all simply appreciate on our own in private. Music is literally everywhere all day every day. It's so embedded deeply in our culture that while Netflix can somehow get away with taking ‘The Office’ away on Netflix, if a popular album were to be pulled indefinitely the general public would have an even bigger meltdown before probably running off to pirate said album because we can’t live without it. Within the cult of celebrity we looove to love a rockstar, all the way to we collectively mourn them when they pass away. Music festivals are now the hottest events of the summer.

Speaking of festivals, live performances specifically are all about human connection. The experience of seeing the persons who made the art you like recreate it directly in front of you. We take for granted the amount of skill that is needed for these kinds performances. On top of that you’re in a room full of people who connected to the same thing as you, so it’s fair to assume that you have common interests with all of these future friends (also read: strangers).

It’s important to also consider that fans default at the assumption that when they’re at shows that they will be safe when they’re there. While recent gun related events make that assumption waver a bit, people go into a show with the understanding that that everyone will be remotely pleasant, accepting, and welcoming. If someone at the show sucks, well…..

….do you see where I’m going with this?

When someone comes in and spoils the fun at a show, what happens? They (hopefully) get ejected (hopefully) immediately.

It’s really hard to keep enjoying something when the experience has been tainted for you, especially when the person who wrecked it for you happens to be center stage. I still think about the dude who flailed around in front of me when I saw Alt-J at Mercury Lounge or the guy who groped a close friend at Fidlar. It’s really unfortunate that those experiences stick out very distinctly with those events because I wasn’t allowed to simply get lost in the art like I wanted to.

It’s certainly a lovely notion to try and pretend like the possibility of Morrissey attempting to not to sway people to his beliefs, but just like fans of music proudly wear band swag often in hopes of finding fellow fans, fans are also advertising and evangelizing with their merch, too. Ol’ Moz coulda been racist and kept his trap shut leaving fans none the wiser about his beliefs so they could continue to idolize and support him, but obviously he’s hoping that his recent behavior has a specific reaction and it’s not exactly the one I’m having right now. It’s pretty clear that he’s trying to elicit and enlist support for his troublesome beliefs, and honestly that might as well be a dude dumping beer on your head during your favorite song every fucking time it comes on.

So no, I’m sorry Mr. Cave (we’re not close enough yet for me to call you Nick), but it’s a little impossible to separate the art from the artist and their problematic behavior. Ain’t gonna happen. The part that the community has control over, on the other hand, is how we choose to use this kind of information to make educated decisions. In the same way that most fans these days know that if you buy albums directly from the band vs at a store or by streaming that the bands get more money and are then given the option to decide how they want to support, we get to look at Morrissey tightly bound to his bigotry right now, and decide if he deserves our attention anymore. We get to ponder whether or not we think it’s distasteful that Paul Banks doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal to earn money off an outspoken racist and not at the very least try to have the guts to speak directly to whether or not they share the same beliefs. In the face of discriminating against the marginalized, silence can literally be deadly.

Cave closes the fan letter with, “We should thank God that there are some among us that create works of beauty beyond anything most of us can barely imagine, even as some of those same people fall prey to regressive and dangerous belief systems.” Call-out/cancel culture in its current state doesn’t exactly have a universally agreed upon roadmap for what happens next when it becomes public knowledge that someone among us is being hateful or harmful with no intent to stop any time soon. We especially don’t know how to effectively handle the people who idly stood by and didn’t do anything to stop or prevent them from acting maliciously.

Swiftly smacking down on the cancel button could be really easy here. I mean I’ve never exactly been huge on The Smiths or Morrissey, but in his current state of personal growth I can’t consider stepping within even a mile radius of that kind of toxicity. There’s always a chance that he could come around, but at this point given his track record….not gonna hold my breath on that one.

With regards the other two who have a lot more eyes on them than I probably ever will, I really hope that Paulie Banks takes time to reflect on the amount impact he has on his fans. If I still have the occasional residual panicky moment from that time Interpol got trapped inside their tour bus in a blizzard, unfortunately this current missed opportunity to take a stand against discrimination is gonna be part of my Interpol fandom history as well. I hope the next page with them is that they take advantage of the platform that they have and take a stand against discrimination. There are ways to tour with a bigot and still take a stand. They can speak directly against their headliner’s beliefs, they can donate a portion of their merch to combat Islamophobia, or they can do something even more creative and unique to who they are that I haven’t thought of yet but would probably love them all the more for choosing to respond in that way. For now, no button smashing, but the button is definitely not being put away just yet.

As for Mr. Cave, while I appreciate his thoughtful follow up response to his fan’s question, I hope he comes to realize through this experience how deeply he is loved as person by learning that his fans can’t possibly love his music without involving him in that lovefest. I hope that message is relayed so loudly to him that the love-filled lesson stays with him forever.

To fellow concerned fans, you have your tweets, your likes, your comments, your attendance, your dollars, and all sorts of other methods to respond to this. If you’re feeling guilty about being in the mood for some Moz, you can offset his intent to spread harmful beliefs by donating to a charity that combats Islamophobia and even opt to donate on his behalf. You definitely should let him know that you don’t share his beliefs and that he should consider the root of why he holds them. How you choose to approach your feedback to Nick Cave and Interpol are up to you, but I definitely urge you to not stay silent or cancel them and then check out.

The only way that our community stays safe and inclusive is if we hold each other accountable.

[RANT] Please Stop Downgrading Women’s Fandom To Romantic Adoration

See this man? I love his music and therefore love and support him in every way I can. That doesn’t mean I want to have sex with him. I can’t believe I have to even say this. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Over the weekend, news broke that seven time Grammy winner and one of the most important artists in my life, Beck, had filed for divorce from his wife of 17 years.

Less than a week prior, the world saw him snag 2 of said Grammys at the 61st Annual Grammy Awards show. Earlier in the week I had been discussing with fellow Beck superfans how great it must feel to finally be seeing the amount of success and recognition for his art that we all thought he should’ve had for basically decades now. In my mind, Beck had to be super happy, therefore I was super happy for him.

Sadly, that doesn’t seem to be the case.

I don’t know why they’re getting divorced and frankly I don’t care because it’s none of my business.

What I do care about, is that I couldn’t have a moment of empathy for someone who means a lot to me without having to be on the defensive for my level of fandom and feeling the need to tweet something like this when the news broke:

Swear to god if any of you link me to the news about Beck's divorce and are like "now's your chance!" I will end you

— empress of zero chill💖 (@kibbe) February 16, 2019

The quick “cute” comments I’ve received from people I either barely know or are relatively close to have been all something to the effect of, “Get in there, girl!”, “You’re in”, “Where’s my wedding invite?”, and my new favorite from today where someone suggested that the reason I finally changed my profile picture across the internet after 10 years is because I “didn’t want Beck to get the wrong idea now that he’s getting a divorce”.

Yes, I celebrate the man’s birthday like it’s a friend’s birthday. Yes, I was the person who claimed /r/Beck from becoming a portal for Glenn Beck on Reddit. Yes, I occasionally sit in private Facebook groups analyzing his Instagram posts. Yes, I have a stockpile of bootlegs. Yes, I’ve seen him perform live over a dozen times. Yes, I will most likely mourn his inevitable death to the same level I have for friends and family (perhaps more tbh).

Yes, I am a superfan to the extent that people in my life think of me when his music comes on.

….so why the HELL does that equate to me wanting to essentially just fuck the man?

Let me do my best to explain to what happens in my brain simultaneously when people make comments like this to me.

On a top level:

• I’m immediately downgraded from a full human being to a female sex object. Am I really just on the planet to be sexualized and fuck a lot? NO.

• I’m frustrated that my career in the music business isn’t where I hoped it would be at my age and a lot of that has to do with not getting afforded the same chances men get in music thanks to sexism.

• I relive dodging gropey men at music industry winter holiday parties.

• I remember how many times I’ve had to shrink my level of interest talking about music at label jobs because I didn’t want to get dismissed as a “groupie”.

• Speaking of that triggering ass word, I remember how many times I’ve had someone say. “Oh so are you like a groupie for them or something?” When I spoke passionately about a band that had men in it.

• I remember the time I had to tell a band whose label brought me out to meet them for potential coverage that seemed uncomfortable to my general friendly demeanor, “I don’t wanna suck your dick. I just want to help you get famous” and how their mood changed immediately.

• I remember the time I co-hosted a CMJ showcase with The Audio Perv and all the other music blogger dudes who showed up thought I was someone’s girlfriend instead of the person who bought this domain, built the site, solicited pitches from publicists, etc. etc.

• I get angry on behalf of the women in music who have had it much worse than I have.

• Most importantly my capacity for love is immediately confined. Not just my capacity for love, but for every woman who loves music.

That’s really depressing if you think about it and that’s just me as a HUMAN PERSON!!! As a woman who has to choose every day to interact with male musicians, there is so much of my head space that I occupy with trying to overcome the above as I write reviews, leave meaningful comments on artists social posts, and just generally try to be the person I know I am. Imagine if I could just like….spend all my brain power seeking and reporting on Turkish goth bands carving out a space in the Turkish music scene, the badass house DJ who helped pioneer the first music production course at a Girls Rock Camp, or any of the other artists out there that could end up being the thing that YOU get as hopelessly devoted to as I am to Beck.

I wanna talk about that, too. Since I’ve addressed above the way my capacity for love gets shrunken to whatever box people think my fandom should fit in. When my fandom gets discounted as something silly or seen as anything other than just, well, fandom, it dismisses:

• The degree of loyalty that I am capable of.

• The fact that I’m not sure if I’d be where I am today writing this very thing without Midnite Vultures because that record gave me the permission to be as different or weird as I wanted to be.

• The transformative power music has over me and my desire to share that with others.

• The money I’ve invested in something I believed in.

• The love-centered the community I have to turn to for more than just Beck’s music.

• The ways his music informed details in my methods of self-expression.

….and a ton of other things that I can easily identify has deeply rooted bits that factor into my identity. Whether we want to admit to it or not, music shapes all of us to some varying degree. Just because I express my gratitude for that by providing as much support as I am able to should not make me less of a person. I’d say it’s the opposite, honestly.

So please. For the love of the song that makes you feel things the most, just let me love whatever music I want to, however hard I want to, without your preconceived ideas of how you think loving art works or any assumptions rooted in patriarchal garbage nonsense.

[Video] Fischerspooner - "Have Fun Tonight" (Official Video)

Photo by Asger Carlsen

I TOLD YOU SOMETHING WAS COMING SUPER SOON. 

I THOUGHT I WAS READY FOR THIS DAY TO COME. 

But honestly I wasn't ready for how hard the first *official* single from Fischerspooner would hit me.

I am truly blown away by "Have Fun Tonight". There's seriously so much going on here that with every spin I find Casey Spooner doing a number on my #feels as he delivers each lyrical blow. The song is described as, "a queer dance ballad about polyamory (...or polyagony) encouraging your lover to go out and have fun without you". It was co-written by a Michael Stipe and BOOTS and comes from their forthcoming album, Sir, which will be out on September 22nd courtesy of Ultra. That's right, fam. We FINALLY have a release date. Let the countdown begin!

What's interesting about the performance that Spooner gives on "Have Fun Tonight" is that it can lead you into interpreting the song a slightly different way each time you listen to it. By the end of my first listen I was convinced that this was the perspective of someone feeling trapped in a poly relationship that they didn't really want to be in. Another time I thought this could be taken as a brief moment of insecurity as all long term relationships have. Then in a different instance I considered the lyric, "I can't imagine anyone can love you like I can" to be the hint that the perspective is actually a lot more confident than previously though.  The words are all chosen so carefully that in spite of it being written with a polyamorous relationship in mind that it can speak to people in all walks of life because every intimate relationship has a certain level of complexity to it as this particular one has. 

Another thing I am loving about "Have Fun Tonight" is the context that it has provided to the first Sir-related song that was quietly half-released last year, "Everything Is Just Alright". As previously reported by yours truly, Spooner has said that this record was going to be "unabashedly homosexual". At the time with just "Everything Is Just Alright" as a reference point I wasn't sure where Fischerspooner was planning to take us, but with side by side listens of both EIJA and HFT it sounds like it could be anywhere - from the booze soaked dance floor of a gay bar to bedroom of longtime lovers and everywhere in between. 

In addition to the news about Sir, Fischerspooner have revealed that there will also be a museum show called SIR at MUMOK in Vienna, which will run June 29 to October 29, and that an art book will be released along with the exhibit.