Nothin But F🍪ckin Love Songs Vol 6

click for cookie recipe!

Y'all wanna hear some crazy shit? When I was in college, my friends and I were starting to get into standup comedy. My friend since high school, who we all affectionately call Bones, got me into Lewis Black, who longtime SKOA readers (mostly bots, I assume 🤨) know the subsequent full reference to the annual “nothin but fuckin love songs” playlist series before you today. Another comedian that Bones and our friend group in the Central Florida scene loved and quoted quite heavily around the same time was the incomparable Mitch Hedberg, who people are still loving even over on Bluesky these days.

On our first date, my now partner (who I just moved in with in November 🥰) and I discovered that we both attended the same Mitch Hedberg performance at Orlando Improv. Shortly after learning that he also grew up in Orlando, we were sharing our favorite comedians, when I recounted that during the set of his I saw that a rando heckler bro dude interrupted Hedberg in the middle of his set to call for a specific joke. It made an already great date feel all the more magical and we've been inseparable ever since.

Things that people don't get said enough about recovering from toxic relationships: the most effective way to heal from any hurt caused in connection is to be in a connection with a non (or less)-toxic person and gift your nervous system a better experience than the failed toxic one. You can go to therapy. You can read self-help books. You can get into running, yoga, pilates, or any other nourishing practice for your body of your choosing. You can meditate. You can journal. You can attempt to do it all at 110% like the way daddy capitalism all taught us to approach self-improvement so we could be the best laborer. But it will not free you as much as being in loving connections, period. Love is liberation.

Maya Angelou once said, "I am grateful to have been loved and to be loved now and to be able to love, because that liberates, love liberates". After my partner and I moved in together, I caught myself occasionally almost referring to him by my ex's name, even though he didn’t do anything toxic. The situation was just a familiar setting from my previous long term relationship. My ex was emotionally abusive, enough so that a stranger reached out to me unprompted one day in 2021 to essentially ask me if I would participate in a formal canceling of sorts. From what they conveyed, it unfortunately sounded like it was an equally toxic professional relationship. People who have survived emotional abuse in a long term relationship know how difficult it is to articulate the kind of scars left behind by that brand of domestic violence. It seems like it would be easier to be able to point to some concrete external proof to explain your CPTSD symptoms, the trauma feels inadequate.

Shawn and I met in July of 2022. After that serendipitously charged first date, I remember making the decision that I wasn't going to hide any of my weirdness. I was going to ask him to watch Sifl and Olly with me. I made him ask his mom what time he was born so I could do his birth chart. He is the Libra sun, Leo moon, Sagittarius rising to my Aries sun, Virgo moon, Aquarius rising, and he loves that I know what that means even if he doesn't care. He's proud to be in a relationship with someone who identifies as pansexual. He's held me while I shared through sobs so many intimately painful details that fuel my insecurities. It has been equally as terrifying as it's been rewarding. By Christmas of that year, I knew I wanted to live with him, so I gifted him a new set of dishes to replace his chipped bachelor ones, along with a wooden milk crate for his growing record collection. Since we moved in together and I finally emptied my storage unit of four years, I have been showing him how to use my record cleaning brush to keep dust off his vinyl. In short, we are real fuckin cute together.

Oh yeah, I decided to do something different for this year's playlist! 😍 I asked my best friend, Rebecca Carvalho, to collaborate with me. A fellow survivor of her own personal cocktail of childhood trauma and emotionally abusive partnering, it has been one of my greatest joys over the course of this playlist series to witness her heal and open her heart back up to love, before having the most beautiful relationship practically drop directly into her lap. She's been going through it with similar intimacy struggles, but, as she texted recently, her partner won't let her self sabotage their relationship now no matter how hard she tries when her insecurities take the wheel. We don't get to see each other much now that I've moved away from the greater New York area back down south to Raleigh, and we haven't been able to fully celebrate how far we've come in our ability to receive love with [near complete] reckless abandon these days, so I thought getting some grade A cuts. And she sure did! I'm really obsessed with this collection of songs, I think it's got a sweet playfulness to it. Tonight, instead of dining out with the posers, you could stay the fuck home, put on this playlist, and make some cookies tonight so you have plenty of makeout fuel to get you through the weekend all you lovers. In addition to our collaborative sweet sweetie jams, I give to you something especially sweet: my most cherished chocolate chip cookie recipe! Mind you, this recipe requires two eggs, so can give these cookies a fine dining at home vibe depending on how much eggs are going for in your area. Did y'all hear about the egg loosies in NYC? 💀 This is insane!

Anyway, I am am an advocate of ✨little treat culture✨. Telling y'all right now, this is a grade A dopamine hit of a cookie. That "shit that was so good. okay feeling way less insane after shoving one of kibbe's cookies in my face" kind of vibe. These are so insanely good. I have made this recipe so many times I know it by heart, but for the collective's sake, I am going to copy verbatim what is listed in the cookbook it came from, Thomas Keller's ad hoc at home. I am not going to do the recipe blog thing and put the cookie recipe at the bottom of this for you to endure at a later date. Instead, please find that recipe, with accompanying playlist here, which has been added to my weirdo emoji nav system on the site that I might change soon. I love you all so much. Hang in there. You can grab nothin but f🍪ckin love songs vol 6 below.

DON'T LET THE FASCISTS GET YOU DOWN. STAY SWEET. 🍪💖✨

Advancing The Slay Agenda 🏳️‍🌈🪩

In March of 2023, the Tennessee Adult Entertainment Act passed, making it the first anti-drag legislature. Although I'm fully self-aware of my casual to moderate cognizance level of the art form of drag, even now I feel myself full of profound overwhelm in appreciation for all that I've experienced so far. Coming up in a Christian nationalist household, makeup was often the only outlet for self expression that I could use consistently due to its ephemeralness. It was the only way I felt I was able to consistently and effectively communicate to the world that I was not like the conservatives in my life in charge of shaping my values as instructed by the alleged one true savior of the world. A savior who they told me didn't spend time with the pious and instead opted to befriend prostitutes and sinners. One who flipped tables and drove merchants out of the temple grounds. I could never see the same Jesus that prayed to in their actions. All I could see was a cult of control, censorship, and bigotry disguised as love for God and country.

I always found makeup to be a transformational method of communicating what I was experiencing internally, in both a succinct, and often times, striking way that I would dole out on a daily basis. It gave me the confidence to ward off enough imposter syndrome to enter spaces that would shape me as a girl into a woman. A woman who unceasingly has seen the value of independent music and thus devoted every career decision to date to whatever I thought would bring us closer to equity in ones ability to be heard. As a result, I've always felt a sense of camaraderie with drag, knowing how powerful it can be to temporarily transform, playfully creating empathy building moments with every brush stroke.

Around the time of the legislation passing I had come across an image that read, "THIS SYNTH KILLS FASCISTS" in one of legendary producer Tommie Sunshine's many Instagram mood board-like carousels. After looking up to see if I could purchase what I learned was a permanently sold out sticker, I was reminded amongst the search results the connection to American folk singer Woody Guthrie within the phrase.

It's been well documented that starting in 1943 Guthrie's guitar would bear the message, "THIS MACHINE KILLS FASCISTS". If you take a stroll through his catalog past his arguably most well-known track, "This Land Is Your Land", you'll see a man who passionately sought to inspire social change through his chosen form of expression. Guthrie was outspoken in his hatred of fascism, and even joined the military so he could personally kill nazis. As he shared in a wartime letter to his second wife that he had,

“a personal hate so strong that it makes you want to kill in order to keep the people you love from being slaves…because if you really love anybody or anything or any principle or any science or belief, you will hate, hate, hate, and keep hating anybody or anything that tries to hurt, or kill or destroy that which you love. Unless love has got this hate, it’s not love at all, it’s a cave full of mysticism, and one of the most dangerous forms of cowardice”

I thought about that sticker, specifically the word, "KILLS," for weeks after I saw it. I thought about all the immediate death in the world as a result of COVID, the deaths of small children from mass shootings or of that get swept away with an utterance of "thoughts and prayers", and how subsequently the constant fear-mongering disguised as well intentioned rhetoric has stripped us of so much, but most unfortunately of all, our ability to see the power we wield collectively when we choose to stand up to injustice. The goal should not be to perpetuate cycles of oppressive violence— our sights should always be on collective liberation. Drag ban bill fresh in my mind, I opened a new image in Photoshop, and typed the words, "this synth slays fascism" and started experimenting with fonts.

I should mention that all the while this TikTok had been marinating in my brain for well over a year prior, just in case my pun is not painfully obvious:

I couldn’t find anything within my personal font stockpile that felt right, so I randomly shot the following texts at my friend Sara Grossman:

Of all people, I knew she would not just have insight to my oddly phrased inquiry about design trends within the LGBTQ+ community, but also appreciate the idea I was working on. In addition to owning a successful queer marketing company CODE-mktg, based in Denver, she also is the founder of the non-profit, The Dru Project, which she started in honor of her best friend, Drew Leinonen, who passed away in the mass shooting that took place at Pulse nightclub, a place I also used to go dancing at in my college years with friends who also lost people that horrific night. She’s really transmuted her pain in such a beautifully impactful way, as the organization has given away over $250,000 in college scholarships, mini-grants for gay-straight alliances and out-of-work drag entertainers, and published one of the most comprehensive GSA guides in the country.

Delighted by the idea, she informed me that there was a font, Gilbert, which was created in honor of artist, designer, and activist Gilbert Baker. Baker is responsible for hand-stitching and hand-dying the very first rainbow flag in 1978, which was used as a symbol in response to the homophobic pink triangles being used by Nazis to identify suspected or openly gay folk at the time. "They had a whole code of emblems that they used to oppress people,” he explained in an interview, “and we needed something to answer that." It was everything I needed in that moment to connect deeper to the meaning of the phrase. It was bold, future-forward, but with delicate detailing. I played around with the design for awhile before landing on what is now available for purchase in my newly launched store.

To further cram meaning into the moment, I made every detail deliberate. Around the same time I had been learning more about Disco Demolition Night, the anti-disco MLB promotional night held on on July 12, 1979, that quickly erupted into a riot where rioters leveraged the evening as an excuse to burn records from marginalized groups. I had also caught a deep dive on the origins of the sparkle emoji and how it's been co-opted by Big Tech as the universal symbol for AI in an attempt to mask the nuanced complexities surrounding the technology, namely its unsustainability.

When I first landed in Raleigh, I had noticed a slew of pro-MAGA stickers scattered throughout downtown. Seeing messaging with the intention to distort reality and paint 45 as the clear solution to all our problems didn't make me feel safe, so I assumed folks with less privileges than a straight-presenting white lady would feel all the more uneasy, so every single last one that I could reach had to go. So I, armed with a razor blade and Goo Gone, personally made it a point to very thoroughly take every single one down. I took them down in front of food halls, places of worship, and in other high traffic pedestrian areas. At one point, it became a face-off with the person posting the stickers around town. In one area of town as soon as I took them all down they would be quickly replaced within 24 hours. Eventually my persistence prevented them from returning, until some crept back into a few areas just before the 2024 Election.

Fascism wants us constantly stressed and scared to the point of overwhelm at every turn so we have no energy to stand up to our oppressors. We are barely two weeks into this administration and it is already so fucking exhausting. This is gonna be a long four years, and we are going to need all the hope we can muster to get through this. I want people to always remember that even in the darkest rooms, all it takes is just a little sliver of light hitting a disco ball for it to reflect it out in every direction. It is my hope that anyone that comes in contact with any of my stickers that people are able to remember that we must defend our joy, playfulness, creativity, and rest at every corner, as it is the only thing that will truly set us free. We need to be throwing our support behind people whose visions make us feel lighter in our bodies as we take them in. Those of us stubbornly dreaming and creating in the direction of the future we want deserve to have our light travel as far as it can possibly spread. As Baker once said himself when speaking to his own creation, “visibility is key to our success and to our justice." 

I've had these stickers printed for awhile. In fact, it’s almost been a year now. 🫣 I even put some up around Brooklyn when I was in Williamsburg last summer dog sitting for a friend. With every slap to a pole, park bench, or other public-facing surface, I thought of all the times when I went to unfamiliar areas I always looked for proof of safety in the form of street art. In my mind, artists are the most empathetic, so the more easy it is to detect their presence in an area, the safer I am to authentically navigate an area.

jukebox at Luckydog in Brooklyn, NY

Anyway this is my gift to the internet for these trying times. I am currently in talks with a store in downtown Raleigh to sell these IRL as well. Because she was so instrumental to this coming to life, I am donating 30% of the proceeds from sticker sales to The Dru Project, which has a new second edition of their GSA guide coming soon! Additionally, I plan to reinvest whatever I make from these into future SKOA related offerings, some of which are in the works as we speak. Yer girl is hankering to get scrappy with some zines so we can make sure valuable info gets to where it needs to go in our communities. If anyone is interested in collaborating, hmu!

Moritz Simon Geist @ Slingshot Festival 2024

Moritz Simon Geist @ Slingshot Festival 2024 at The Fruit in Durham, NC

A little over *triple checks notes* six years ago, I came to know of German techno tinkerer Moritz Simon Geist when he shared his piece, “Entropy”. Ever since I came to know of Moritz, I have daydreamed of the day that I would get to experience the magic of what he does in person. Since I left New York, I had sort of surrendered to the assumption that I would have to travel across an ocean or, at minimum, out of state to get to see him perform. By some miracle, however, he made it onto the lineup for this year’s Slingshot Festival at The Fruit in Durham.

It’s extra cool going to shows now because after covid I’ve really been making an effort to be more present with each experience by choosing to be soberish when I’m out. I know y’all are sick of me asking if you’re meditating, but I can tell you that’s also helped me be more mindful of things like being on my phone unnecessarily while someone is playing. That said, I noticed how hard it was not to want to take a billion pictures and videos of what was happening before my eyes. There was a distinct moment where I remember confirming that whatever I attempted to capture of the show would have to be it because I didn’t want to take my attention off of what was happening any longer than I had to, shoving my phone in my pocket, and then just proceeded to bask in the bliss of it all. I gotta keep it 💯 with you, it was so deeply inspiring standing in a room full of people I didn’t know who were all losing their minds as they watched an artist and his makeshift robot play us some really fucking sick music.

I mean just look at the way this little angel delicately manipulates his machine:

The best part of the experience by far was that you could tell he was absolutely having the time of his life getting to live his life in his full authenticity. A life full of playfulness, creativity, precision, and JOY. My goddess, I was grinning ear to ear the whole time at the ever-present thought of getting to bear witness to this little miracle of an experiment that happened to land 30 minutes outside of where I landed after a global pandemic on the weekend where I was feeling really eager to relaunch the new vision of this space but wasn’t sure how I’d get started.

I’d already had a pretty awesome day prior to stepping inside The Fruit. I knew I was going to be excited to, at last, get the opportunity to share space with him. Even still, it felt pretty surreal to be standing next to him fishing some This Machine Slays Fascism stickers out of my bag as I listened to a sea of attendees excitedly gushing to him things like that him and his less than usual setup (as some luggage got left in New York) was the coolest thing they’d ever seen in their collective lives. I mean, when you think about it, a guy who gets flown all over the world to be part of the performance art-tech scene being in a place like The Fruit in October 2024, with us all knowing the extent of the devastation that’s happened in this state in the last few weeks, is a such a divinely timed little glimmer of hope. It’s the kind of thing that should make everyone believe in miracles, imo.

And yes, that’s probably a dramatic thing of me to say, but it really felt like this man was as excited to play for us as I was to finally see him after all this time, and it really made the energy in the room feel so great. I mean look at this guy living it up just being a lil goofball:

During my afternoon social media check-in, I noticed he posted a video about how cool the energy was last night during his performance.

courtesy of Mortiz Simon Geist on Instagram

Mortiz, I’m not exactly sure how you landed here either, but, my dude, I am so incredibly grateful that you went with it. Can’t wait until I get to see another one!

If you happen to live in the following markets, this is where the lucky few in these United States are able to catch him this time through:

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A post shared by Moritz Simon Geist (@moritzsimongeist)